Dear [thinly veiled deep rooted in the subconscious] Racists

As much as I know that racism, prejudice, discrimination, stereotypes and the criminalisation of black males are all alive and thinly veiled, it's tough when I experience it first hand.

You can't describe me as threatening and aggressive, dismiss my existence and then expect me to apologise as you were belligerent whilst I was calm and rational.

It's hard being a black man in a country, which is all you've ever known, born and raised in Britain, but reminds you that you're still an alien from time to time.

I often question whether I'm too sensitive to the thinly veiled subtleties but after what I've experienced today, I realise that the world hasn't progressed for us, we're still fighting the same battles but who's fault is it?

Is it the perpetual cycle of stale narratives and discriminatory agenda pushed through TV, Advertising, Music, Film, or the age old self preservation philosophy of white supremacy that teaches generation upon generation that black people ain't shit but animals, drug dealers, slaves, hyper-sexualised harlots, violent and uncivilised baboons praying on frail, defenceless white folk, who need to be kept in cages and systematically limited in regards to social, political and economic mobility?

Are these the ingredients behind the subconscious motives of racism, prejudice, and privilege to tar the unassuming with the stereotypical brush of criminalisation and play victim in the face of dissonance.
To think that there are black people that go through this daily, some unaware and others playing a submissive role, then there's folks like me who attempt to rise above it and maybe write it off but after years of giving the pass it got to a point where I said 'fuck that!'

I'm not at fault, I am not to blame, I am not a slave to your preconceptions. I am a free man, free to think and make my own decisions so when I'm in a predicament where another black man, playing the mediator, tells me to apologise to a white man who's blatantly disrespected me, and then tried to project his anger and rage onto me, to make his job easier to end a dispute amicably, I refuse unapologetically. I stand my ground for mere principle than any of the trivial stuff on the surface.

Whether you're black, white, male, female, young, old, gay, straight, whatever the type of discrimination may be, always remember to be unapologic in your stance against injustice. Hold your head high, stay composed and never allow someone's negativity to enshroud you.

Peace and Love

Khalid Omari

Dodging Shade

No this isn't a post about the Rascal called Dizzee (I've changed the title since then son), infact it's a clever use of his infamous quotable from Fix Up Look Sharp. Why did I use that as the title? Because I really wanted to light up a pagon (misspelt purely because this is authored in my vernacular and also I mean no offense whatsoever to your belief system as 'paygan' on 'the roads' means an 'eeediat). 

I can't even go into to detail because there's no point, but I can't help but feel as though three strikes isn't enough before you have to put a pay-gannn (spelt how you say it but say it with all the anger and frustration you can muster up) on blizzy (I could of wrote blast but I didn't wanna -it's my blog so I can write whatever I want to write and wot).

The first instance I bobbed and weaved the shade as if I were Mayweather in the ring playing the long drawn out game of points, laughing along with the dire attempts to throw shade on my shine with the tone of 'hold the fuck up is this really happening?'

When the second wave came a few hours later I felt like Jordan with the fade away three point buzzer beater against an aggressive defender and the shot clock. The way how I brushed it off in transit was equivalent to MJ shouting 'get off me' as the shot releases from my clutch and swishes slow motion into the net for 3 points, watching Karl Malone crash to the boards having been defeated by a killer crossover. I remember thinking

Try me again and see if I don't light up ya clart, truesay you're getting kinda regular widdit.

Lo and behold a third attempt came hours later but I didn't even entertain that shit. By the time the third round of shade came I thought to myself...

What-the-fuck-is-up? Like really? Why? What the hell? What's the motive? What's the deal? What's with all the shanter? What's wrong with you? Quoi? Huh? Really? Come on, like, Chill the fuck out man.

I stopped for a second, I looked into the sky like 'Oh hell naaaw, you mussa had me all fucked up today' but before the switch in my mind went off, before the tone drop, before the smile disappeared, the face turnt to stone, and the aura got cold, I paused...

I took a deep breath and spun around as if I was Michael Jackson, moonwalked into the evening to grab my tings and jump in the whip, drive home to back up my computers and remove some data from external hard drives such as duplicate user accounts and backup my motherfucking computers on separate hard drives, after eating a left over truffle steak that my girl had at her sisters birthday dinner that I didn't attend and eat some motherfucking stir fry afterwards. (I'm in a bad man mood so fuck grammar and shit).

That's how you deal with shade, that's how you deal with grey motherfuckers tryna dim your shine. They don't want me to shine but Ima shine anyway. Word to Guru Khaled, I'm fully aware of 'they' and their Theyluminati el Shaluminati. It's a bit of a paradox that the cabal of They call themselves Shaluminati because I swear luminate means to illuminate which means to shine light upon something, which means to reveal something so it actually does make sense that Theyluminati Shaluminati call themselves that because they throw shade to reveal shit, or potentially reveal how they feel about shit, or don't know how to say something so it then becomes a motive to say something slick. (If you're looking for grammar you won't find it here, may I remind you of the fact just to be polite).

But yea that's the story innit.

Until next time something happens and I feel like I have to share it somewhere other than www.UpInTheEar.com

Stay Tuned... something's bound to get on my nerves soon.

Peace

A Post About Nothing #2 - Threading

Few things happen that bring you to the stark realisation that it is what it is, and no matter what you say or how much sessions of intensive psychotherapy you conduct, it all remains the same. Let's be totally honest, there's a code amongst people, a code that cannot be broken therefore any words beyond this point I will shutdown immediately...

This week I've also come to the realisation that complacency leads to failure, stagnation, and isolation. No matter how many times it is discussed it remains the same, ultimately it's a rouse -I've pretty much seen past the lavender mist and mirrors. Kinda reminds me of a remark I overheard, "delusions of grandeur" but what happens from this point forward?

Well I cannot envision a similar predicament, as Strickland told Sean Corey who told me, "Finish your breakfast..." That's I'll do and prepare my meals in advance.

In other news the nail continues to be hit on the head in regards to it, I actually don't know how it'll pan out but once everything is clear proceedings will take place. Left or right, forwards not backwards, up is the only way as we've ascended from the ditch from the very beginning. But what to do, it's out of reach and unjustifiable although there really is no alternative as it's as close to lint as it gets. Remember that you've got your event coming up before refuelling again so you got to hold back for that. It's just the honest thing to do, break the cycle of grand expectation as neither of you live the lifestyle to sustain such things. It is what it is I guess, stay true to yourself and be honest.

I can't lie though, you're tangled within that web and it's insane for you because you don't even know that you've been shredded and rebuilt as a shadow of your former self, wearing your insecurities as opposed to your heart on your sleeve. Whenever I listen I hold my head in my hands and shake it left to right wondering how and why, open eyes rather than remind in a state of ignorance. How can everything revolve around it, insane to say the least, kinda like a porch pet, a possession, a servant that cannot break free from the shackles as they're all mental. Sometimes I observe the scenario and wonder 'rah... The way this is moving it can't end good.' But still there's a code and regardless of whether I'm tryna work through it in my head it really isn't none of my business nor does it have a place creeping in to here.

I ate McDonald's and now I feel bloated and sick. It was the first time in a bout a week or so that I've had junk food in its truest form and I feel horrid. I vow in all my life to never get caught unprepared when it comes to food, however I will vow to go gym...

It seems that I fell asleep writing this so I am in my gym clothes about to take a trip but the McDonald's from last night has my tummy in knots. Also need some bananas to make a smoothie and some bread to go with the eggs afterwards. This is crazy what I'm writing but I guess it's a post about nothing in its truest form. I did edit and add bits by the way but hey it is what it is.

Own It

Yesterday I drove to my old stomping grounds of Cheapside to exchange a pair of shoes. It was cold outdoors, I had shaved my beard and moustache one level lower than usual and I hadn't drove this route in the daytime before. Before starting the car I put my destination into the navigation and set off knowing that I had telephoned the store to reconfirm that the shoes had been set aside, and that I had the expectation set on Boxing Day that I could come and exchange the boots for a bigger size.

The roads were clear, I cruised my way into the square mile, circled around to find a parking spot before settling on a side road and turnt the engine off. I headed straight to One New Change shopping centre, by way of M&S and headed to Office. It was kinda eerie when I arrived because there was a line, and when I finally got to the till point the lady looked fairly unhappy at my arrival. I explained that the shoes had been set aside and that someone said it was fine to exchange them. In the even of exchange I received a refund of £10, exited the store, had a quick browse at the Topman sale and headed back to my car.

I pulled out of the space, allowing someone to replace me, adjusted the sat nav and headed home. Whilst heading over the box junction of Bank station en route to London Bridge, a lady was driving an Aston Martin with the number plate Own It. I took out my phone and snapped a blurry pic. I had no idea why at first but I guess it was a subconscious sign because the number plate stuck in my mind the whole time. Whether she was proud of owning the vehicle, whether she owned her life and moments rather than owing anyone anything is unknown, all I know that from the eleven or so hours ago I was stationary behind her car in traffic, her number plate resonated with me. Must be a sign, not even a probable, it's a solid definite...

I own it. I own my life, my actions, my momentum, my health, my destiny, my dream, my alchemy, my happiness. Stop acting like life is out of your control and own it.

Projective Steps

Projecting to my next steps; the career as opposed to just the job which comes with a great salary and benefits package to match, the space and the personalised decor to match. I feel as though I'm en route to major moves as I feel different, I feel like change is here already, it's as if the metamorphosis is manifesting into something beautiful. The more we enjoy the fruits of our labour, the harder we have to work but the nirvana is finding what you love to do for a living and you pretty much work harder on enjoying the fruits of play. Crazy right?

The amount of time you waste constantly weighing up the pros and cons or being scared to make your moves is what's keeping you caged up all the same. Time and time again I learnt from it, again and again before being decisive once I eliminated all the safety nets. I kinda had it all seen up once I figured out how to play it, it's kinda like hop scotch, skip into different boxes but don't move out of the lines: be sensible, realistic and responsible. Allow these limitations to breed your creativity, allow yourself to play with the cards dealt as best as possible until one day the rules begin to work in your favour.

Play your best at all times, project yourself to where you'd like to be and get there by all means.

Doing

I'm in the frame of mind where I'm decisive but in order for me to get next level I've got to focus precisely on what's going to make me happy and go for it. Like you can know or have an idea of what you want to do but at the same time you don't wanna step where anyone's gone already. I'm constantly beating myself up trying to figure out the best angle to move from, how am I going to separate myself from the next artist, what's my launch pad into freedom of expression?

Fair enough some can argue that there's nothing new under the sun but what can I do to differentiate myself from the pack, are there any new avenues I can take, is there a window of opportunity that no one else has spotted yet? So many questions dancing around inside my head, got me wondering what I'm playing at because there's nothing stopping me except for me, the mirror and my determination is my biggest obstacle.

It's like it always boils don't to the same thing, I'm the only one in the way of my destiny. It's simple, there's no complexity about it, it's just a simple case of doing and nothing else.

Ghost.

Boredom

I'm bored of blogging, you know like blogging officially and actively going out of my way write something about someone, something or stay on top of the onslaught of new things. I guess a majority of the time I tend to publicise the things that inspire me, which somehow become a reflect of oneself. There's no science to Up In The Ear apart from it being a place for me to share my interests, desires and the things I'm intrigued by. I've tried structuring my posts and scheduling them daily but that kinda takes away from my other duties, at my blogging peak I'm less productive musically -I tend to make less music as I'm just surfing around and I also tend to write a lot less too.

The thing about music, lyricism and writing is that you've got these creative urges that need to be expressed but you're not allocating enough time to expressing them. I'm too tired to continue writing so I'm going to end this in ellipses...