A Post About Nothing #2 - Threading

Few things happen that bring you to the stark realisation that it is what it is, and no matter what you say or how much sessions of intensive psychotherapy you conduct, it all remains the same. Let's be totally honest, there's a code amongst people, a code that cannot be broken therefore any words beyond this point I will shutdown immediately...

This week I've also come to the realisation that complacency leads to failure, stagnation, and isolation. No matter how many times it is discussed it remains the same, ultimately it's a rouse -I've pretty much seen past the lavender mist and mirrors. Kinda reminds me of a remark I overheard, "delusions of grandeur" but what happens from this point forward?

Well I cannot envision a similar predicament, as Strickland told Sean Corey who told me, "Finish your breakfast..." That's I'll do and prepare my meals in advance.

In other news the nail continues to be hit on the head in regards to it, I actually don't know how it'll pan out but once everything is clear proceedings will take place. Left or right, forwards not backwards, up is the only way as we've ascended from the ditch from the very beginning. But what to do, it's out of reach and unjustifiable although there really is no alternative as it's as close to lint as it gets. Remember that you've got your event coming up before refuelling again so you got to hold back for that. It's just the honest thing to do, break the cycle of grand expectation as neither of you live the lifestyle to sustain such things. It is what it is I guess, stay true to yourself and be honest.

I can't lie though, you're tangled within that web and it's insane for you because you don't even know that you've been shredded and rebuilt as a shadow of your former self, wearing your insecurities as opposed to your heart on your sleeve. Whenever I listen I hold my head in my hands and shake it left to right wondering how and why, open eyes rather than remind in a state of ignorance. How can everything revolve around it, insane to say the least, kinda like a porch pet, a possession, a servant that cannot break free from the shackles as they're all mental. Sometimes I observe the scenario and wonder 'rah... The way this is moving it can't end good.' But still there's a code and regardless of whether I'm tryna work through it in my head it really isn't none of my business nor does it have a place creeping in to here.

I ate McDonald's and now I feel bloated and sick. It was the first time in a bout a week or so that I've had junk food in its truest form and I feel horrid. I vow in all my life to never get caught unprepared when it comes to food, however I will vow to go gym...

It seems that I fell asleep writing this so I am in my gym clothes about to take a trip but the McDonald's from last night has my tummy in knots. Also need some bananas to make a smoothie and some bread to go with the eggs afterwards. This is crazy what I'm writing but I guess it's a post about nothing in its truest form. I did edit and add bits by the way but hey it is what it is.

What Is It About Junk Food?

I know I shouldn't eat junk food but I do. After a long morning at work I have the choice choice of going to M&S for that premium bread and butter, Boots to get a meal deal at the cost of an M&S chicken Cesar wrap, Gregg's for that cardboard bread and butter or [my favorite of late] Burger King for the King of The Day specials. I used to go McDonalds because I had a bunch of £1.99 vouchers but I feel so seedy after eating it. I guess one of the reasons why I hit the shop to junk out is because I almost feel as if for the money I spend on a sandwich [that I could prepare at home in 5mins] I'm getting ripped off and often return to work feeling hungry.

This is basically my quarter pounder [voucher] meal from McDonalds. The day before I made my return to the gym before returning to the gym that evening. Seems rather contradictory because if I'm working out to be healthy, surely I should be filling my body with the correct fuel, as opposed to ratchet and fries with the all manner of sugary beverages. The funny thing is I know I'll feel seedy afterwards but my lack of preparation catches me off guard. I have no idea how to put together a meal and before I know it, I take a walk and end up with a box...

Ratchet burger and fries from the local chicken shop with a side of hot wings. It's only standard to say 'Ayo bossman, gimme the big wingz yea and make sure their fresh'. Unlike going to KFC and McDonald's you don't feel like you've paid over the odds for a box of transfats, whereas in the chicken shop you don't even begin to question what you're about to put your teeth into because it didn't cost you an arm and a leg. Either way I've got to learn how to cook this kind of food because I can guarantee that I can purchase the ingredients with the money I use to buy the junk food and it's so much more sustainable.

I guess you can tell that I'm actually having a madness with all the junk food, it's probably because I haven't had it in so long -a few weeks because I was making cheese rolls, eating bananas and drinking so much water. My cheat day has turnt into a cheat week, but I guess I'm back at the gym now so I'll work harder in replacing the bad choices with good ones.

Ghost.

I Cheated Myself

I've been eating clean for a week and a bit now and I've been feeling great. I've been waking up to eat breakfast, I've also made myself lunch and been drinking copious amounts of water however today I cheated myself. I didn't buy a pack of rolls from Tesco's to make my cheese rolls, nor did I buy a bag of bananas to accompany my lunch or ever the 12pk of water bottles. I've been so used to spending no money that it was hard to make up my mind when it came to eat something, would I go to McDonald's -using a voucher where you get a burger and fries for £2.00gbp or was I going to treat myself to something 'clean' and 'healthy' which may have cost me more than a working weeks worth of rolls.

I walked out of work and flirted with the prospect of going to McDonald's for a split second but I figured that since I was going to 'junk it out' and get dirty, I had to do it right. I thought about how great Burger King's 'King Of The Day' offer and visualised getting my teeth into a Whopper. I arrived to find the Chicken Royale on the menu and ordered the meal for £3.99gbp -the clerk asked me whether I wanted to go large and I gladly accepted. My total order was £4.40gbp -a total of two days packed lunch.

My Tuesday Cheat Meal

When I got back into work I started to feel seedy, I had made a covenant with the universe that I wouldn't eat dirty. How can I justify my actions, my motive for eating clean was to be done in the grand scheme of becoming healthier?

I then reassured myself that I had done well to get this far and to save as much as I did over the past week and a bit. If I were to add up what I used to spend compared to what I saved, I saw it as something to celebrate, a cheat day if you will.

Just because I had a cheat day today, it made me realise how important preparation is and probably the importance of following my instincts -even if it was to purchase the rolls on the route home for lunch the next few days.

I faltered after ten days, let's see if I can get to twenty...

Ghost.